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The door opens and he is ushered into a large, well-furnished room.

Growing more nervous as the minutes pass, he sets his items on the table and tries to adjust his tie. A lovely young woman wearing a long, elegant dress gracefully enters and stops a few feet from the young man, directing him to a chair.

However, between the late 1800s and the first few decades of the 1900s the new system of "dating" added new stages to courtship.

One of the most obvious changes was that it multiplied the number of partners (from serious to casual) an individual was likely to have before marriage.

The man and the woman usually were members of the same community, and the courting usually was done in the woman's home in the presence (and under the watchful eye) of her family, most often Mom and brothers.

Pam found a bunch of personal ads from that time period and was so charmed by them that she felt the need to share. Now I can really see if dating was better in the 1800s. She only noticed you “several times” because she was frightened for her life. I know that my prince charming is out there somewhere and I bet he’s wearing an ascot and top hat and carrying a copy of Baudelaire’s latest collection of poems.

When I go out with a new guy, I find myself asking ridiculous questions like, “How’s our email chemistry? ” I barely know how to react anymore when a dude calls me on the phone, so I seriously think my head might explode if I ever received a hand-written letter. I want a long courtship complete with calligraphied love notes, white gloves, red roses, and a carriage ride…you know, Jane Austen style. This is why I’m kind of obsessed with a new blog, Advertising for Love, started by Rutgers student Pam Epstein, while working on a dissertation about the transformation of love and marriage in nineteenth century America. The world is so full of poetry, beauty, and glory, and I have no one to share it with me; no one to read with me my Shakespeare and Milton, to enjoy with me nature, art, letters, society; I seek, therefore, my other and better half, my complement and peer, equal, though not like; myself a New-Englander by birth, of liberal culture and pursuits, of about 35 years of age, a gentleman and a Christian in my aspirations. The gentleman who followed and was several times noticed by the lady dressed in cloth basque, who called in a store in Nassau street about half past four o’clock on Tuesday afternoon, and then proceeded by way of Ann street to Broadway and got into a Twenty-third street stage, would be delighted to make her acquaintance. Paul, I don’t care if she was wearing basque cloth and it turned you on…it is not okay to stalk the poor lady. Hint, hint my potential suitors…take a clue from this site.

If you are single and out in the dating trenches, then you know how absurd and post-modern the whole fiasco has become with the invention of the internet.

If he wants to meet my acquaintance please write…by hand.




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The figures for "white" refer to those whites who are not of Hispanic ethnicity. marriages are interracial, up from 3.2 percent in 1980.


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